A Letter to Rowan, 6 Months.

Dear Rowan,

You are halfway to your first birthday. Excuse me while I pick myself up off the floor.

I can't believe what a big boy you are becoming! In the last few weeks, it's like you've become a different baby. You are sitting up on your own....kind of. I set you up and you usually tip over, but you are really trying. Any moment spent on your tummy turns into an attempt to get moving. You limbs stretch and you clearly want to get going already. I'm going to blink and you'll be walking, I just know it.

You've started eating solid foods! We are slowly introducing you to new things (vegetables first, then we'll move on to fruit) and you are LOVING it. Your little eyes light up when you see me pull out your baby food containers and you love trying to feed your self (this usually ends with you and every nearby surface covered in splatters of green and orange). You've tried green beans, zucchini, sweet potatoes, jicama, and butternut squash. So far, you're a fan of all of the above (though not a fan of the noise from the blender while I make your food). I'm excited to have you try even more new foods and see if you'll be a veggie and tofu lover like me.

I'm making you a promise right now that when you are a teenager and you want to sleep until noon on the weekend, I'm going to show you video of yourself now when you never ever wanted to sleep. And I'm gonna wake you up. You are still the captain of Team No  Nap, fighting each and every one.  Most of the time you refuse to sleep but will happily play, other times we get a tiny peek at your fiery temper.Your toddler years are going to be a trip. When you don't get what you want your whole head turns bright red and there is a screaming, back-arching Hulk of a baby where my sweet little Robot once was. After witnessing a tantrum, your Grandma Debbie said, "I've never seen such a tiny baby with such a strong personality..." 97% of the time you are all smiles and giggles, 3% of the time you are enraged. I'll take it, especially because we know what the culprit is: the dreaded teething. 

Teething sucks, Bear. You are so uncomfortable and there will be times that you are juuuuust about to fall asleep and your eyes pop open and you begin pulling at your ears. You are the mayor of drool city and the doctor says we should be on alert for a pearly white popping up any time now. We've been trying everything to keep you comfortable, some days you are just not having it and all you want to do is snuggle and be sad. That's okay, that's what I'm here for. I want to make you comfortable and I hate that you're hurting.

100% of the time you are a mama's boy and, I can't even lie, I sort of love it. You are most content in my arms and we are attached at the hip. I still make sure to have other people babysit and Daddy has alone time with you before work, I love that we are partners-in-crime but I still want you to be social. You are quite the people person, smiling at everyone and flirting. You have the world's best laugh and you laugh constantly. Last week I bought a giant bubble wand and we spent an hour in the yard blowing bubbles at Violet (who chased each one like a maniac) and you laughed the whole time. Other things that induce a belly giggle? Silly faces, Mom saying "What are you doing?" in a growl, the ever popular "What what chicken butt" (which has become your legacy, everyone knows it makes you laugh), Violet doing anything, your squeaky elephant toy, pulling Daddy's beard, and Zombie. What's Zombie? You gum at Mom or Dad's face and hands and we yell "Oh no! He's a zombie!!" and you belly laugh.

In my opinion, the best thing about this age is that I feel like you are really absorbing things. When we go on adventures, whether it's to the grocery store or on a hike, you seem to really be soaking things in. You love to look around, hold things in your hands, and interact with everyone. We took our first trip to the zoo and you slept through the first half of the trip but once you woke up, you watched the animals and you were so interested in fellow zoo-goers (Daddy even got you THREE wax figures AND a stuffed river otter toy to remember the trip by). A quick trip to the pet supply store is a chance to see you experience something new. We went to get a new litter box and while passing the small animal area I realized you've never seen birds or mice up close. I wheeled our cart up to the cages so you could see and you spent a good five minutes watching and smiling and cooing. When we go to the craft store, I always hand you a piece of felt to hold on to. More and more you are becoming this wildly curious, fun, lovable little boy. I'm so looking forward to the nice weather and spending more time outside and trying new things. 

Here's to another month of coos and laughs and bubbles and adventures. I love you, Bear.

XOXO,

Mommy

Currently.

Trader Joe's has the BEST flowers.

I am currently...
 

....eating new things! I recently tried a raw, vegan restaurant near my house and LOVED it. My mom gifted me a subscription to Conscious Box and I was able to try almond chocolate spread and a kale chocolate bar. I'm trying to open myself up to new things healthwise and so far it's working out well. Even though I am trying new things, I also find myself eating my favorite things over and over (I'm such a creature of habit). Dinner is usually a big steamed sweet potato, a nice scoop of spicy hummus, steamed broccoli. Breakfast is a green smoothie. Sometimes rituals and habits are just super comforting (and easy), you know?

...making lots of progress around the house. Last week I made a goal to do at least one small cleaning/organizing project every day (more if I have time). I feel like after having the baby I let the whole house go, understandably so. It's starting to feel a bit overwhelming so my end goal is just to get the whole house organized and clean and get rid of some junk. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there. Emphasis on slowly.

...listening to all the Jenny Lewis! I'm seeing her live for the first time in a few weeks and I am so excited. I will probably cry and scream like a Beatles fangirl back in the day.

...reading  all the research on teething solutions. Poor little Robot started teething earlier this week and it stinks! I have tried everything to bring him some relief.

...watching something new on Netflix, hopefully! My cousin/sister/BFF Samantha and I recently started watching Hart of Dixie "together" (meaning we obsessively IMed while we each watched episodes at our house). After a cheesy but strong start, I quickly fell out of love with Dr. Zoe Hart. The lack of character development and flat plot lines kind of zapped my urge to binge watch this one. We're looking for a new show to obsess over and thinking about Revenge.

...loving myself. On 4/20 (LOL) I realized I had exactly six months until I turn 30. I made a resolution to just love myself and my life. I'm being better to my body physically and mentally--eating more greens and thinking less mean things about this bod o' mine. I had fallen a bit out of love with our house in the last few months so I took on some projects to reignite my passion for this space. Love, love all around.
 

 ...looking forward to a lot! This is going to be a busy, busy month with two concerts, Rowan's baptism and a small family party afterward, little get togethers, and lots of great work projects.

Have a great weekend!

If you also partake in Currently posts, please link up in the comments!

A Letter to Rowan, 5 Months (a bit late).

Dear Rowan,

How are you five months already? Well, five months and a week because your mom was late on the letter but I digress...

I think this every month but this age is my very favorite. Your little personality is really shining through and, boy, it's a good one. I know everyone thinks their kid is the cutest and has the best temperament but I'm right when I say it. You throw one to two really good tantrums a day, but other than that? You are the most chill, happy baby I could have ever asked for. You are happy to run errands with me for a few hours, go on small road trips together, and you love to play. You and I spend a couple hours in your room every evening reading books and playing with your toys. I used to really have to run the show there but now you are content to pick up your toys and examine each one before putting it right in your mouth.

We recently went on a play date with mommy's friend Nikki and your buddy Erik and I realized then just how social you are. When we held the two of you up so you could see one another you smiled and kicked and cooed and did anything to get his attention that you could. An older woman came up to our table to comment on how cute the two of you were playing together and you turned your show on for her--cooing and swatting and whipping your rattle around while laughing. You don't mind being passed around a room full of friends and family and you love having visitors over. I think you'll be a little clown when you're older, similar to how I was as a kid.You love hanging out with people but you definitely have moments where you only want Mom. I don't mind it at all.

You had your first Easter! We colored eggs with Jackie and Charlie. Your Nana Carolyn flew all the way across the country to spend the weekend with you and I think she fell in love a little bit. The whole weekend was packed with fun and family and you were such a good boy. The Easter Bunny brought you books and a big ship-shaped kite and lots of toys. You got to spend time with both sides of your family and when your cousin Tyler held you I realized how HUGE you've gotten! You used to fit in the crook of his arm and now you take up his entire torso.

You are a little ball of wonder, you know that? I feel like, more than ever, you are changing and learning and developing a new skill every few minutes. I was flipping through photos of you from November and I can't believe how much you've changed physically. Your hair was so much darker and now you seem to be inheriting my strawberry blonde locks (I call you my little ginger boy, your redheaded Uncle Eddie told me that is not funny). You have filled out and you look like a perfect mix of Daddy and me. Developmentally you are a rock star, too. You are an old pro at rolling over and you pivot like a champ (I will put you in your crib to relax and come back to find you with your head at the other end of the bed). You have become a huge fan of your exersaucer and love to jump around in it. You also LOVE sitting up like a big boy in your Bumbo and will play for a long time with small toys and stuffed animals on your tray. Your favorite toy right now is a dog that sings "If You're Happy and You Know It" while its ears flap up and down but you don't pass up a good crinkle book.

Everyone in our village knows that you are the Captain of Team No Nap. A few weeks ago we hit a bout of sleep regression and my former bed time all-star has become a late-night partier. You have decided your platform is "No Naps Ever" and fight each one with vigor. Nursing and swaddling and shushing no longer work. Daddy jokes that you have finally outsmarted us. Most days it now takes about an hour to get you to nap but we're working on it. Bedtime used to be a breeze but we've hit a roadblock there, too. You now take much longer to put down and you wake up often. When I rock you now you are much more interested in swatting at my glasses or pulling on my hair or just staring at me. Some say it's the usual 5 month regression, some speculate that you are teething. Either way, we spend a lot of late nights together. It's times like these that I wish I could know what you were thinking. As tired as I am, it also breaks my heart that you are tossing and turning and having trouble finding sleep. It helps to have you near, most nights I reach over and rub your back until you fall asleep again. Sometimes I scoop you up and rock you with your head on my chest. I had said that at six months I was moving you to your own room and now I find myself clinging to you. "Maybe at 7 months...or 8? I think a year would be okay to get him into his own room and out of the crib in our room..." I promise you'll be in your own room by the time you leave for college. Maybe.

Since I quit my job and went back to freelancing to spend more time with you, I've wondered if I made the right choice. This week I was up with you most of the night and in the morning laid in bed and rubbed your back while you slept in. I knew I had made the right choice for our little family. I feel so lucky that I spend 95% of my day with you by my side. It doesn't go unrecognized to me how lucky I am that I can take you for a long walk in your stroller at 1pm on a Tuesday or that we can head over to visit GG at work on a Friday afternoon or that I can simply wrap you up in a blanket and snuggle you for hours when you refuse to nap. Even on the most trying and whiny days, I'm grateful that your dad and I get to spend the amount of time with you that we do. I can't wait for the weather to warm up so we can go on more adventures together. Someday when you are very grown up and have babies of your own, you'll know what I'm saying when I say "the days are long but the years are short." I want to make sure I make the most of this time since I've learned already that it goes by in a flash. I can't believe it's been five months since I held you in my arms for the first time.

To another month of changes, adventures, and really good snuggles. I love you, Bear.

XOXO, 

Mommy

 

A Letter to Rowan, 4 Months.

Dear Rowan,

 How has it already been FOUR months? Time keeps flying by and sometimes I find my heart already aching a little that you don't fit into most of your 0-3 month clothes and that your feet hang off the Boppy now when I feed you. You're getting so big, so strong, so old so quickly that I wish there was a pause button. 

Speaking of growing, you're officially at that stage where you are out-growing things right and left. A couple of weeks ago we packed up your infant swing and removed the napper from your bassinet. Though it's so bittersweet to see you grow too big for these things that were once too big for you, I have to say that I am in love with this age. I send Daddy photos with captions that say "I (bleeping) LOVE THIS AGE." at least once a day. You are now big and tough enough to sit in your high chair, you love to hang in the kitchen while I cook dinner. I put a few rattles and soft blocks on your tray and you are usually pretty content for at least 30 minutes. You also fit perfectly in your Bumbo and hang out beside me in the evenings while I work. You love your exersaucer, too, and usually spend an hour in the morning watching me bop around to a workout DVD while you happily kick your legs and watch your toys light up.  

You also are really getting the hang of this whole sleep thing. There have been a few nights where you've actually slept a 6 hour stretch (and I didn't know at first that you're growing out of multiple night time feedings so I was waking you up at first if you went more than a couple hours without milk...sorry about that, bub). Despite warnings that it'll create a bad habit, we've begun swaddling you for a nap or two per day and WHOA, what a difference. Most days you'll nap for at least an hour and sometimes closer to two and a half (before we were lucky to get 20 minutes out of you). I'm proud of you, and of Daddy and me too, for getting the swing of things.

This age amazes me because your little personality is shining through more and more each day. I've said it before but you really have such a great temperament and you are so much fun. Sure, you can throw a wild tantrum that makes me a little nervous for the toddler years (like when you and I were grocery shopping last weekend and you threw such a massive screaming fit that we turned around and went home without ever setting foot inside the store) but overall, you're a happy kid. You laugh now and it is the best sound in the world. You have a big belly laugh and love to be tickled. You are SO vocal now with laughing and cooing and squeaking. I love to hear you discover new sounds you can make--the other night you spent a good fifteen minutes saying "Eh, eh, eh" over and over. You melt my heart. 

 You and I have settled into our routine with Daddy working in the evening and I really love that we get so much time together. You and I listen to music and learn sign language and spend a lot of time reading piles of books in your room. I look forward to bedtime because I love that hour of calm where you and I cuddle.

On February 26, 2014 I found out I was pregnant with you. It was honestly one of the happiest days of my life and I can still remember that wave of excitement when I looked down and saw that the test said "Pregnant." When February 26, 2015 rolled around I couldn't help but get teary-eyed while snuggling you close. I waited and tried and hoped and wished for you for so long, so many years, and through so many negative tests that it felt surreal to find out you were in there. When I was seven weeks pregnant with you, I had a scary incident (a "threatened miscarriage") and rushed to the emergency room. I was terrified I would lose you. I can still feel that panic as I kept saying, "Please stay with me and I will protect you. I will give you a happy life, I will keep you safe." I maintain those promises, Bear. Every single day, I try to make sure you are happy and safe and know how loved you are. By the way you look at me and coo for my attention and snuggle up close, I feel like you know that.

Every day is an adventure and I'm looking forward to all the new experiences we have in store for us. The weather should be warming up any time now and I can't wait for daily walks in your stroller and trips to the zoo and the park and the library. Until then, I'll just keep enjoying the big PJ-wearing snuggles in front of our fireplace every evening and seeing your face when I hold you by the window and you watch the snow fall. I'm not kidding when I say life with you is magic.

XOXO,

Mommy

A Letter to Rowan, 3 Months.

Dear Rowan,

Last week you sailed into your third month of life and I can't even believe how quickly this is all going by. I told Daddy that it feels like you were always here and also like I just gave birth to you a few days ago. Everything is becoming routine but everything is new. You look like a different boy! Over the last four weeks you have grown longer and filled out (those cheeks are pinchable and those thighs are to live for). I look at photos from Christmas and it's crazy to me how different (and skinny!) you looked then. You are growing out of clothes and hats faster than my heart can take.

Your little personality is really starting to form and, I have to say, I'm absolutely in love. You are generally a very happy baby full of loud coos and big smiles. I have been counting the minutes until I hear you laugh for the first time because I know it'll be a big belly laugh. You are such a little morning person and it has quickly become my favorite time of day. Around 5am you begin trying to break out of your swaddle and I unwrap you to change your diaper and feed you. Afterward I let you cuddle me in bed until I get up. When I lay down to fall asleep I look forward to that hour where you and I snuggle and I watch you sleep. Last weekend I fell asleep snuggling you and I woke up to your cooing at me and smiling. It felt like you knew it was time to start a new day and you were just happy to be together.

You have officially discovered your hands, constantly chewing and wringing them out. You stick your tongue out like a little lizard and you are a spit bubble machine. You are also an old pro at holding your head up and with my help you can go from a laying position to (wobbly, bobbly) standing. I feel like you are going to scoot right past crawling and run circles around me.

I'm proud to say you have become a bedtime champion and it's almost like you recognize your routine now. At 8pm when I bring you to the bath or to your changing table (depending on the day), it seems like you have an idea that it's time for eating then snuggling then sleeping. You sleep good three hour stretches most nights (which is a dream to this mom of a cat napper!!). You have outgrown your bassinet napper and I am moving you to the bigger area of your sleeper. It makes me realize just how fast you're growing. The first night you came home I put you in that napper and you looked so itty bitty, like it could swallow you up. Now you've become too tall for it and can't sleep there comfortably. My heart aches knowing that the next big transition will be to your crib in your own room. I bet you I will sleep on the floor next to you for as long as Daddy allows it.

Speaking of transitions, Daddy's work schedule changed and now he takes care of you during the day while I work. I'm so happy that you two have a few hours of strictly guy time and it melts me to come downstairs to find you both napping or to overhear him singing to you while he changes your diaper.  You and I are on our own for the afternoon and evening now, which took some adjusting to, but I'm kind of loving it. After Daddy leaves you and I do our daily sign language lesson (I am rocking it, you have little interest at this point), sing songs, read books, do tummy time, and play in your room. You're becoming more independent and you are happy to sit in your bouncy seat in the kitchen while I make dinner. I hold up all the vegetables and tell you what they are and when you'll be able to try them. I kind of can't wait for you to have tofu for the first time and see if you love blueberries and watch you taste a lemon.

You are getting old enough for adventures. For the first time ever, I took you in the car by myself a couple of weeks ago (I was too afraid before). Our world has opened up! Last week I packed you up and we drove out to my hometown to visit your Great Grandma at the beauty shop she owns. We visited and the ladies loved on you and it made my heart swell to see how loved you are and hear everyone say how much your GG brags about you and how proud she is of you. It was also quite a trip driving you past my old elementary school and by the house I grew up in. I can't wait for the weather to warm up to see what other mischief you and I can get into. We also started planning your very first vacation to Florida this summer to see Uncle Patrick and Auntie Alley--I'm so excited to take you to the beach and Harry Potter World and help you collect sea shells.

You had your first sleepover at Gramma and Grandpa's house this weekend and you were a champ. They reported lots of playing and you slept like an angel. I missed you so much throughout the night (I even had a dream you were stirring and when I woke up I had your pacifier in my hand) but I'm proud that you did such a great job. It makes me excited for your future sleepovers when they can take you sledding and to see movies and make crafts with you. Gramma also gave you the Cabbage Patch doll I got for Christmas in 1985. I named her Molly, but feel free to change it. I hope you love her as much as I have, There's something very magical about giving you the special toys that I loved so much as a kid.

You are at the age where you are changing every. single. day. I'm excited to see your personality continue to develop and I'm trying my best to cherish every day since I'm realizing just how fast all of this happens--I looked at a photo of you from a few hours after you were born and I felt a little pang in my heart. You were so tiny, so delicate, so new.As you napped on my chest yesterday I watched your little chest move up and down with your breath and your little fingers softly twitch in your sleep. I got misty eyed thinking that before I know it you'll be a big boy who doesn't fit so easily in my arms. I promise, though, I will always have a hug and a snuggle for you.

Baby Bear, you are my tiniest best friend and the person I love to spend my days with. I would do anything for you and I hope I'm making good on the promises I made you while you were in my belly to ensure you had the happiest life possible. Daddy and I love you so much and I'm serious when I say every day with you is such a gift (even when you are a bear). 

Looking forward to the minutes, days, and months ahead. I love you, Robo Boy. 

XOXO, 

Mommy

A Letter to Rowan, 2 Months.

Dear Rowan,

Originally I had set out to write these letters to you every single month of your life. I was going to start composing the first when we got home from the hospital and then add to it as we learned more about one another. But I was so busy soaking in every minute with you (and, honestly, a little sleep deprived) and I didn't find a minute to put together a letter when you turned one month. I promise this won't be the only time I disappoint you.

So, here we are at two months and life with you is indescribable. I know every mom thinks their baby is the best baby but, dude, you are THE best baby. Unless your tummy hurts, your tears are easily stopped with a tight snuggle, some milk, or gentle shushing (you love to be shushed...I promise you will outgrow that and sometimes I feel rude doing it to you). You are not a sleeper, you prefer lots of tiny naps and you have quite the little appetite. You were born at 7.6 pounds and 19.5 inches, now you are 10.11 pounds and 22.5 inches! You are a big, growing boy and I am so proud of how strong you are. You hold your head up like a champ and I have a feeling you are going to be attempting to crawl much before you should. 

Your village, as I like to call our family and friends, love you so much. Jackie asks to hold you immediately when you two are in the same room and gently whispers little things to you. "You are my cousin. I love you. You are a little baby." Charlie drew you a picture just because and it hangs on our fridge. Gavin and Tyler love to hold you, too, and give you lots of kisses. For Christmas they surprised you with a Build-a-Bear (the one in the picture above) named Rex...seriously, how cute is that for my Babysaurus? They each have the same teddy bear, theirs are weathered from years of cuddles and I can't wait to see yours grow up with you too. Grandma and Grandpa are already planning for your first sleepover and a summer of fun with you. Your aunties and uncles spoil you rotten. I can't even list everyone who does special things for you. You are so, so loved.

You also met Santa this Christmas and someday I'll tell you who that actually was and how special that moment was. Your first Christmas was magical in that you were a-okay with being passed around and fawned over. You were alert and enjoyed the extra cuddles.

Your daily smiles and coos are plentiful and I can't wait to hear you laugh for the first time. Your happiest time of day is early in the morning. You and I usually wake up around 5am, I feed you, and then change your diaper while you coo. I get you dressed--one of my favorite things ever--and you usually kick around and make happy sounds while I sing you silly songs. Things that usually guarantee a smile: goofy faces, when mommy lightly tickles your belly, when mommy and daddy sing crazy songs in weird voices, and when we pretend to eat your feet. You could take or leave Violet's kisses but love to watch her throw her toys around the room and she's incredibly protective of you. You could also lay on your changing pad and stare at your animal mobile for hours (best $4 at IKEA I ever spent).

Up until this week you were sleeping in our bed at night but I decided I needed to get you into your bassinet and started training you. I was so worried about making the transition but you are handling it with ease. I miss having you sleep on my chest but I know this is what's best for us (plus I still steal you for cuddly naps during the day). Your bedtime routine is one of my absolute favorite times of day. At 9pm when do a bath or wipe you down with a warm cloth, do a gentle massage, put on cuddly jammies, and then you and I go upstairs so you can eat. Afterward you get swaddled, Daddy says goodnight to you and turns out the light, and I rock you to sleep with a whole lotta shushing. You used to hate being swaddled, and you still fight it at first, but once you settle into it you relax. It makes me realize how you are growing and changing everyday and it makes me all melty inside.

 Two nights ago you slept for four hours in a row--your longest stretch ever--in your bassinet and I was so proud of you. I'm still proud of you. Every toot and smile and sneeze and grasp of my finger makes me proud of you. I never knew it was possible to be so in love with someone. 

Your bond with Daddy is growing every single day and my heart grows three sizes every time I watch the two of you play and when I hear him call you buddy and bubba and baby boy. When he gets home from work the two of you have cuddle time while Daddy unwinds from his work day. Also, you have a billion nicknames (Ro, RoRo, Robo Cop, Robot, RoboBoy, Bubba, Bubba Bear, Baby Bear, seriously a billion). I'm sure that the older you get the more embarrassing you'll think our many nicknames are but isn't that what parents are supposed to do?

I love you more and more everyday and I can't wait to see what the month ahead brings. 

XOXO, 

Mommy

A Thought.

via

I stumbled upon this quote on Pinterest and it spoke to my dang heart.

Just a warm thought on this freezing Wednesday morning.