On Being Present.

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Hi, my name is Sarah and I am addicted to multi-tasking. 

Now, I know that may not seem like a huge deal and will come in handy in a few months when I have a babe to look after but right now I'm trying to remind myself to focus. I have a lot going on--at work and just generally in my life--and sometimes I split myself between two projects to the point that I make mistakes or just feel as though I wasn't as present as I should have been. When on conference calls, I'm organizing documents while taking notes and responding to emails or IMs that come through. While writing blog posts I'm skimming Pinterest for dinner ideas and watching a movie I've been dying to see (making typos all the while). 

I'm trying harder to be present in every moment. Yes, sometimes it's impossible not to do three things at once but when it is possible to give one task my whole attention, I'm trying. I've started turning the TV off when I'm reading a book, turning away from my computer when I'm on a conference call, and I'm trying to mostly ignore my phone when I'm with friends or family instead of incessantly checking Facebook or texting other people. 

Since we live in a culture of "OMG, I'm so busy and important!" it can be easy to forget that people do deserve our attention. It's not chic to ignore those around you or be late to things or give things half your effort.

Are you addicted to multi-tasking too?

Currently.

One of my beloved rose bushes is finally starting to bloom! I caught this on Monday morning and knew good things were ahead. 

I am currently...

....eating all the fruits and veggies! Lots of bananas and broccoli and cherries and cauliflower. I'm trying to grow this baby as healthy as I can. Alright...so I'm also eating some vanilla soft serve here and there and everywhere all the time.

...making nursery plans! We've been working on clearing our former guest/junk room out in order to make space for babe. Time to paint and get things lookin' cute!

...listening to Shwayze! I got this CD on a whim years ago and it is one of my absolute favorite summer albums.

...reading all the books! I finally made my way back to the library--it had been a few months! I tore through a few Tori Spelling books (don't hate, I love her...most of the time), Bob Newhart's autobiography, and my first Stephen King in a looong time. I'm waiting for Judy Greer's new book to be available as well as Gone Girl and She's Come Undone. Any other suggestions?

...watching 30 Days. I love Morgan Spurlock (Super Size Me used to be one of like two free movies on Hulu and we didn't have cable so I saw it probably three dozen times). Whilst perusing Netflix I saw that he had a show a few years ago. I LOVE the concept and binge watched all three seasons over a few weeks.

...loving summer! Even though I'm not a huge fan of the heat I really love having windows open, fans whirling, ice cream cones, and the sun that doesn't disappear til around 9pm.Rhyno and I were LAZY last summer (it was a real bad year) so we've been making an active effort to get out on the weekends and actually do things. We went to the zoo, we've gone for long walks along the canal, and this weekend we're hoping to do some gardening and plant a berry patch (hopefully it isn't too late). We got an inflatable pool on clearance last Fall and I'll be damned if we aren't going to set that up too! This preggo wants to float.

...looking forward to our first "big" ultrasound this afternoon! I haven't seen the actual peanut since a trip to the ER in March and though I do love hearing that heart beat at my doctor's appointments I am so anxious to see my babe up close. It's going to be ROUGH not to find out the gender but we are holding strong! Also, I cry with excitement every single time I think about our appointment so I am sure there will be eye rivers a-flowin'.  I'm sure you've noticed a theme here--I am ridiculously excited to be pregnant (so if you hate babies, it's probably time for you to jump ship). On Monday night I was laying in bed with a book and felt the very first kicks! So, so amazing.

  Have a fantastic weekend!

If you also partake in Currently posts, please link up in the comments!

Pinspirational: Potato Pancakes.

It's Thursday and that means another installment of my Pin-spirational: Pinterest Challenge!

Do you like how I jumped back into blogging after many weeks off without acting like I ever left?

This week's pin? Potato Pancakes.

When I make mashed potatoes, I typically leave the skin on and I did that this time too. I steamed 'em, mixed them with almond milk (do NOT use vanilla), and mashed the shit out of them. I strayed from the original recipe a little bit but not much. 

After mashing the taters I mixed them with whole wheat flour, an egg, grated cheese, and green onions. P.S. I freaking hate grating cheese. Bo-rang. After stirring everything up, I made my balls and smashed them into pancakes. 

It looks like there's bacon in these but, GROSS, no. It's just potato skin.

All finished up! I paired our potato pancakes with steamed green beans (with vegan butter!) and fresh strawberries. After ONE cake I was so full I couldn't eat the other two (maybe it had something to do with inhaling the green beans and strawberries at a rapid pace...pregnancy cravings? FRUITS AND VEGGIES ALL THE TIME).

The verdict: I would definitely try this one again (but I would try not to forgot the Greek yogurt)! Rhyno and I agreed it was a filling dinner. Since I'm trying to stay away from dairy and eggs (darn you, conscience) I'd probably change the recipe even more using dairy-free cheese and an egg replacement (I've ordered Ener-G Egg Replacer but haven't received it yet, ever tried it?)

Tried any good pins lately?

Beach House Dreams.

Summertime is almost officially hear and, much like everyone else, I am dreaming of the beach. Specifically, I am dreaming of a beach house. 

Rhyno and I have long wanted to rent a tiny beach house for a long weekend. I have this idea that we'll bring Violet and barbecue outside every night and spend entire days at the beach. Back in January we were softly planning a trip and looking around at rentals, though now it looks like we'll be (happily!) postponing a getaway to save money in order to create a bomb ass nursery full of amazing decor. 

So maybe next summer we'll get that beach house, with Babysaurus in tow! For this summer we've made a pact to dedicate some days to the local (lake) beaches near us--I'm so ready for sun and swimming and so much watermelon it'll make you barf a little. 

Of course a day at the beach also means that I'll need to do even more maternity shopping (as you may have read) but this time...bathing suits. Funny enough, I've had less of a hard time finding bathing suits that fit since they don't need to be snug around my big, ol' hips (thanks for those, by the way, Great Grandma Borgia!).

 I've found a few cuties that I just hope fit my ever-growing bubbies, belly, and tush...

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 Though not white...never white...

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Hey, as long as my boobs are getting fat too may as well show them off!

Now to just find a big sun hat, sandals for my soon-to-be-swollen feet, and a cute cover up!

My New Motto.

A couple of week's ago while, of course, perusing Pinterest I came across my newest and most favorite motto for my life. 

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Sometimes pregnancy hormones are a blast because they make you feel bummed about little things and you get moody when you normally wouldn't. Late last week I came across someone I knew years ago that I used to secretly envy and saw that she is successful, living in the city with a great job skinny body and cute hair. Normally I would have paused for a moment of jealousy (it happens to all of us) and then forgotten about it. Oh, no, hormones wouldn't have that. I sulked about what she has that I don't and I wondered if I wasted my youth--did I make the most of my time in college? Should I have applied for better internships or chosen a different school altogether? Why didn't I lose weight all those years ago so I'd have felt confident enough to do the things that I should have?

They aren't kidding when they saying comparison is the thief of joy. After a couple days of bumming about this and being a light shade of green with envy, I pulled up the image above and made myself really take it in. Have I made mistakes? Duh. A lot of them. Have I missed certain opportunities? Probably. Is my life any less wonderful than someone else's? Not at all.

Wonderful things have already happened to me. Wonderful things are happening all the time. Wonderful things are in both the near and distant futures.

It's easy to catch a case of the Monday's on Sunday evenings--years ago it used to happen to me all the time. I am making a conscious effort to focus on the wonderful things that are about to happen, both big and small, instead of the nuisances. Let's focus on the roses blooming in the garden instead of the long conference call during the workday. There are little bits of magic all over the place and (hormones be damned!) I make an effort to find them.

P.S. Thank you for the outpouring support about my plus-sized pregnancy post. I've so appreciated the outreach, tweets, and texts!

Plus Sized Pregnancy....GULP.

My first public "bump shot" with the statue of a baby giraffe because, why not?

 Pregnant ladies: cute, glowing, not an ounce of unruly fat aside from the basketball-sized bump, wearing shorts or bikinis without a care...right?

Yeah, in posters and in the media and even sometimes in real life BUT not me. Nope.

When I first found out I was pregnant I was elated (still am, don't worry) but still really mentally beat myself up about not getting to, or even remotely near, my "goal weight" before pregnancy. I've tried to eliminate this from my thoughts because at the point I can't go back in time, lose the weight, and then get pregnant again so I've just tried to shift focus to eating healthy (...minus a few hundred cravings for ice cream cones...) and worrying about my vanity later. I have always had this fantasy that by the time I got knocked up I'd be fit and in shape, still taking barre classes with my basketball bump, and wearing cute shorts and tank tops.

Then yesterday Rhyno and I went shopping for maternity jeans and that cold bitch reality shook me by the shoulders and branded "FATTY" on my forehead. 

I've managed to get though the first now 19 weeks of my pregnancy without a complete upheaval of my wardrobe, only buying a few pairs of maternity leggings for lounging around the house and two stretchier sweaters. But the time has come, I have a real baby bump (and not just a "fat bump" as I kept worrying I had before) and my old pants are just not comfortable. We headed out pick up some jeans, dresses, and comfy t-shirts for mom-to-be yesterday morning, I was so excited! I love new clothes! 

Old Navy had exactly one pair of maternity jeans big enough to fit over my hips. After searching the shelves full of pants seeing "2, 4, 6, 8" and nothing for me I did it. I burst into tears and started ugly crying about how apparently women who were already fat before getting pregnant aren't allowed to feel cute or even have remotely cute clothing. Rhyno calmed me down and we walked out with one single t-shirt. We headed to Target where there was also ONE pair of my size maternity jeans. I pointed to the poster of a pregnant woman in shorts an a tunic and whined, "THAT! That's what I should look like, not this fat cellulite-ly mess like I do! And it's all my fault!" 

I have a terrible habit of not caring if I cause a scene around strangers.

After resigning myself to the one pair of jeans, Rhyno took me into and an empty aisle. "I know you're upset but you are beautiful. You are doing a good job." Then he made a bunch of comments about how I could wear shorts around the house "for him" and wiggling his eyebrows. Pervy twist to the conversation aside, it knocked some sense into me that this is not a time in my life where I should be wasting energy on fat thoughts. I've had late night anxiety attacks thinking that I have already risked my baby's healthy by not losing the weight before conceiving him or her. "Pasta and wine were more important than a healthy baby because I'm such a selfish person." The funny thing? I've only gained about 4 pounds so far and now I obsess that I'm not gaining enough (the doc says we're doing just fine and all looks healthy). I think the best thing I can do now is just to chill out and, for once in my life, let go of the fat thoughts for real.

So. I'm embracing it. This is my body. As long as the baby is healthy and I'm healthy, it's okay that I don't have a pregnant body like Mila Kunis or Rachel Bilson. I'm taking care of myself and my baby and trying not to stress about not fitting my pre-pregnancy dream of what I'm supposed to look like. I'm taking bump photos (and posting them!), I'm working with the clothing I have (and maybe even making some myself!), and--most importantly--I'm trying to remind myself about how beautiful this time in my life is and how beautiful I am.

Any tips for dressing a plus sized body with a bump?