It's no secret that I'm trying to get this whole weight loss thing under control. It's been a rough, well documented road but I'm still working at it. I've been stuck in this rut of doing really well for a few days and then allowing myself that glass of wine and pizza as often as I want Friday through Sunday. After talking it over it Rhyno, I realized this whole start-and-stop and lose-a-few-gain-a-few is due in big part to being home all the time (ah, freelancer life) and not using the time wisely (ah, lazy person life). I mean, eating disorders are hard to get over. It is what it is.
To be clear, I am totally embarrassed to admit that I keep failing and I keep fighting this battle but I want to keep this blog 100 (that means "honest" as my younger, hipper cousin taught me). So, I digress...
The weight disorder is a dark closet in the happy home that is my mind. I've tried to tackle it from many angles or years and it stems, in part, from years of bullying and thinking I wouldn't be good enough until I was skinny enough. I feel like I keep writing the same post over and over but one time this will stick--believe me it's as frustrating for me to repeatedly write that I want to get healthy as it is for you to (maybe) read it repeatedly. Over the last week, mostly while knocked out with the flu, I really started thinking about the unhealthy habits I take part in daily--be in dietary, mentally or otherwise. On a good day I'll research Before and After photos and plan out these elaborate diet regimes without a great support net and then I fall off the wagon because weight isn't falling off life it used to.
So...I've created the support net and have stopped with the crazy regimes. While down and out with the flu, I decided to knock it off with the "I need to down ten sizes in two months!" and focus on just being healthy. After seeing her expertise featured in numerous food docs, I picked up Crazy Sexy Diet by Kris Carr and I feel incredibly inspired to take control of my health more now than ever. I highly suggest her book or her documentary Crazy Sexy Cancer. I've been taking her advice and focusing my energy on mental wellness and compassionate eating (PS I love vegetarians). I've been working the kinks out mentally about my body image issues and I am teaching myself to appreciate this bod o' mine. I am trying to retrain my brain not to get discouraged by the numbers on the scale but to appreciate the ability to take steps and all that.
In addition to this, I've created a net of support. In addition to My Fitness Pal, a few family members and I have reinstated our healthy living club: sending weigh-ins on Monday mornings, sharing healthy recipes and tips, water drinking reminders, and we even made a Secret Santa-esque component (we each chose names and you send that person tokens of support like workout mixes or KIND bars).
In case you are also battling the bulge, trying to get healthy, recovering from an eating disorder let's connect. You can find me at Sarai145 on MyFitnessPal or just leave a good ol' comment.
Light and love and sugar-free, chemical-free, cruelty-free lemonade.
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You look so pretty today.