Friday, November 8, 2013

Veggie Tales.

I need to make a confession...I am a vegetarian. And sometimes people are hella dorky about it.
Since I was 9 (so about 19 years now), I have refused meat of any kind. Before you ask, no I no longer eat fish or crustaceans. I don't eat chicken or use animal-based soup stock. I don't pick the meat out of things. Yes, it is an ethical issue for me.
Recently a friend shared this article on Facebook and someone else commented, "How do you know there is a vegetarian in the room? Don't worry, they'll tell you ALL about it" or something like that. As I read it, and I've heard variations of the sentiment forever, I just thought how wrong it was. Yes, there are vegetarians who see someone eating a burger and immediately tell them how cows are slaughtered. That isn't me and I'd love it if you didn't treat me like I was always on the cusp of telling you something disgusting about your food. It got me thinking about all the laughable crap you deal with when people find out you don't eat meat.
See what I mean? Go home, Wonka, you're drunk.
Bummers I deal with as a vegetarian:
1.) "So, like, what do you eat then?" Everyone asks me this. I eat a lot of things. I didn't get heavy by osmosis, bro. There are so many delicious foods that don't have meat in them. Plus, I have never understood this question because if you are only eating meat or meat-laced things, your heart is probably about to explode. Granted, I get this question a lot less in recent years since the vegetarian/vegan lifestyle has gone more mainstream and more alternatives have popped up.
2.) PROTEIN. Plus shove off with the protein lecture. I don't see animals as "protein" in the first place and you ramming your beliefs down my throat won't change my mind. Vegetables, tofu, nut butters (LOL), and legumes are chock full of protein. I log every bite I eat on MyFitnessPal and most days I exactly meet my protein requirements, some days even going over. Don't worry, lover, I won't wither and die because I prefer kale to pork chops.
3.) "Oh, you don't eat meat? DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT MY FOOD!" I am never planning on doing this, please stop assuming. I can't tell you how many times people have found out I was veggie and then assumed I was about to regale them with a tale about how that steak wound up on their plate. Do I wish the world was full of tofu-lovin', cow-rescuin' hippies like me? Yeah, I kinda sorta do. But I'm not judging you for your meaty choices, don't judge me for mine. Eat yo' food, I won't tell you how the sausage is made unless you ask. Pinkie swear.
4.) People waving their meat in my face (LOL x 2). This is a real thing. Some people who know I'm veg will take a bite of a burger or hot dog and then wave it in my face, "Oooooh, meeeeat!" See #3, this doesn't make my mouth water or inspire me to give you a lecture that PETA would be proud of. I keep my choices to myself unless asked, do the same.
5.) "Plants have feelings and you eat those!" I have no comeback to this other than to zip it. If I found out cantaloupe was capable of companionship, it'd probably kill me. But until that day comes I'm cool with chowing down.  
Any annoyances that surround your diet choices? Oh, and happy Friday, ya babes! 

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You look so pretty today.